Boosh Love
by Devil's Toenail
Summary: Vince is bored, until someone diffrent walks into the shop. Vince/OC
1. Chapter 1

I do not own the boosh or any of it's characters………

_I do not own the boosh or any of it's characters……….OK!_

_This is my first ever story so be nice please._

Vince was getting more bored by the second; he had been standing in the shop all day with a copy of Cheekbone. Howard was arranging and rearranging the old jazz records that had been sitting on that lonely shelf for the past year, they had not had a single customer all day and Vince really wanted to go upstairs and customise those boots he'd got off Camden Market.

"C'mon Howard, let's shut up and call it a day." moaned Vince. Howard spun around, "I don't think so, it's only 4.30, another half an hour, you never know someone might pop in. If your so bored there's some stock taking to be done in the store room."

The electro ponce rolled his eyes, "But…..", "Just go Vince."

_Suzie's POV _

London is so bloody huge, it's getting dark and I have no-where to stay and I'm fed up lugging my suitcases around like a twat, I was such a fool arriving on the tube from Edinburgh this morning, thinking that finding a job was going to be easy, I've started to try the less you-need-to-have-10-GCSE's-to-work-here-darling type of places and have started to wander around Hackney and near Camden. This is the last street that I'm going to try and then call it a day. Oh, we're in luck, Nabootique – Room to let AND Help wanted. Inside there is a bloke with a groovy moustache and some jazz records, he looks like he wants to hug me when I come in " I'm here about the room and the job." I mutter.

The jazzy bloke looks less happy but still keen to show me the jazz pencil cases he made earlier, shit this bloke must be lonely and I'm not keen on jazz anyway, maybe i'll go to a hotel instead. Just then a younger man in a sparkly suit comes out of some store room and makes a face at jazzy," Your not bothering this poor customer with your home-made stationary are you?" sparkly says to jazzy before winking at me, ( he's bloody gorgeous by the way) " Of course not Vince, she's here about the job….oh and the spare room."

I decided to take matters into my own hands," Suzie Mackie, I'm here from Scotland looking for a job and I'd very much like it if you cold take me on, I don't take up much room and I don't have any pets." I grinned at this Vince character, he seemed to like my attitude so he grinned back.

_It seems like loves a-brewin,' review_ _please._


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews, I'll try to make this one longer

_Thanks for the reviews; I'll try to make this one longer._

Naboo took one look at Suzie, "You're hired….and you've got the room, just remember to pay the rent on time." He then turned around and disappeared into his bedroom.

"Don't worry he'll be nicer when he gets used to you." Howard explained. " Yeah, he punched Howard in the goolies when we first moved in." Vince chuckled.

Suzie smiled and turned to her room, "G'night."

_Vince's POV_

She is pretty sexy. She was wearing these really cool multi - coloured boots when she came in-might ask to borrow them. I think she's slightly scared of Howard, but seems to like me, can't blame her though, everyone likes me. And I like her. " Givvus a cup of tea Howard."

**Next Morning**

Suzie woke up from a dreamless sleep to realise that she was starving. Peeking around her bedroom door she noticed that no one was up yet, so she had a good look around her new room,(she was too tired the night before to take in her surroundings). It was a box room painted neon orange, with a fluffy purple carpet. Furniture included a single bed, a wardrobe, a full length mirror and a Rolling Stones poster.

Suzie spent another half an hour unpacking all of her clothes, make-up and a few books and CD's. By this time she could hear movement in the flat, so pulling on her fluffy pink dressing gown she emerged from her room.

Vince was padding around the kitchen wearing only silver boxer shorts and a loose black silk shirt, Suzie nearly pissed herself. "Cup of tea anyone?" a rough voice said in her ear, she turned around to see a massive gorilla at her side. "AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH BIG MONKEY" she yelled nearly falling over. Howard and Naboo came stumbling out of their bedrooms to see who was being murdered, the gorilla looked startled and Vince just laughed. " Calm down, this is my familiar Bollo, he won't hurt you." Naboo explained. " Don't mess your trousers, do you want a cup of tea?" Vince sniggered.

" Yes," Suzie replied, breathless now," very much so."

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"Do you like your room, decorated it myself . Howard thought that nutmeg would be a better colour but then he realised that not every one is as anal as him." Vince sat down beside Suzie on the funky sofa, handing her a strong black coffee. "Yes it's really cool, especially the Stones poster." Looking delighted Vince turned the telly on to MTV. " Hey, D'ya like Gary Numan?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chugirl2526 and Sassy Saz you are the coolest

_Chugirl2526 and Sassy Saz you are the coolest._

_Suzie's POV_

Their bathroom is really tiny, there is no room to move in the shower due to the amount of shower gels and shampoos ( probably Vince's). And streaking through the living room wearing just a towel was bad enough, but with 3 grown men and a gorilla watching it was just embarrassing.

I got changed into a neon green top, black net puff skirt that stopped just above my knee, thigh-high stockings (blue and white striped) and pink heels. Keeping the eye make-up to a minimum, I straightened my fringe and left the rest of my dark brown hair curly. I've never really liked my appearance, I'm very pale and I always look like I'm up to something so people never take me very seriously, and my black-blue eyes are just plain scary.

Naboo never said anything about a uniform so this will have to do.

Right, first day of work, guard your loins.

**In the shop**

" So basically, you just stand around and on the unlikely event that someone wants to buy something you let them 'av it." commented Vince after Howard had finished explaining all of the rules and responsibilities of being a shop assistant. "Okay, that's….great. I can do standing around and doing nothing, just watch me." Suzie grinned nervously

**10 minutes later……**

"I need something to do NOW." Suzie nearly bellowed into Howard's ear. " Calm down, you'll get used to it, but if your really bored you can clear out from under the counter." This time her smile was genuine. She got down on her hands and knees and started working. Little did she know that from behind a copy of Dazed and Confused, Vince was watching her every move.

_Vince's POV_

It's like she _wants _me to see everything. First her flying past us in nothing but a towel and now her getting down on her hands and knees so that I can see right up her skirt.

Her thong reveals most things, including a tattoo of a yellow smiley face winking at me. Can't look at her ass for too long, if Suzie turns 'round or if Howard notices I'm done for…………. Great! I knew the hippy look would be back in this month.

No-one did come into Nabootique that day so they shut up early and went to see a gig at the Velvet Onion. The band did mostly electro stuff and that was enough to keep both Vince and Suzie happy. They danced together for a while and then she danced with a geezer called Leroy. Suzie had a great time but she found the bloke that introduced the band really annoying, his big loud mouth really pissed her off and both she and Vince agreed that he looked awful in his blue suit.

The gig ended earlier than expected because Blue Suit, i.e. Bob Fossil, threw a pineapple at the lead singer because "he was eyeing up his pocket cup"


	4. Chapter 4

Suzie's POV

_Suzie's POV_

Last night was really cool, Vince is really good at dancing, he's really sweet, and he walked me to my bedroom door last night like it was a date or something. I can't hear anyone up yet but I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat my breakfast in my room cause I can't find my dressing gown. My t-shirt and knickers aren't that flattering and I don't really need another towel incident. OK, the coast is clear, quick where's the cereal……. ah Shreddies. Now to get back to my room quietly. CRASH!! Shit, I've only gone and fallen over the sofa, but that's not all folks, it's tipped over so I'm trapped under it. Fantastic! "Hello….can someone help me, I'm a bit stuck."

_Vince's POV_

CRASH!! What the bloody hell was that! It's 7 in the morning. Sounds like Bollo trying to do ballet. "Hello….can someone help me, I'm a bit stuck." It's Suzie. What does she mean _stuck _? Well, now I'm awake I might as well have a butchers.

The sofa has been flipped over and all I can see is a pair of feet. " Suzie, are you OK?" What a stupid question, she's trapped under the fucking sofa. " Yeah, I'm having the time of my life in here Vince!" a muffled voice replies. I can't pick up the sofa cause it's too heavy "Sorry, hmmmm, right I'm gonna pull you out by your ankles on three, OK?"

"Yes….No!!"

"Why not?"

"I'm, I'm ….. not wearing very much."

"Well that's the only way I can think of"

"Is it only you, I mean are Naboo and Howard there?"

"S'only me."

"OK then, 1..2..3…pull."

She comes sliding out from under the sofa and hell does she look sexy. Her hair is all tousled and she is just wearing a t-shirt and pants, the odd thing is that she's holding onto a box of Shreddies.

_Normal POV_

Suzie got up and stood there awkwardly, "Are you OK now?" Vince asked. "Yeah, I'm going to go and get dressed now." She said picking up one of Vince's jackets and wrapping it around her waist. And then, with the box of Shreddies tucked under her arm, she stuck her head in the air and strided with all her dignity to the bathroom.

Vince had to keep his hand over his mouth to hide the massive grin plastered all over his face.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own the Boosh, Fielding and Barrat do……………lucky buggers

I don't own the Boosh, Fielding and Barrat do……………lucky buggers.

For the next three days Suzie avoided Vince as much as possible. To Suzie it was all too embarrassing. To Vince it was annoying. And when Howard announced that he was going to a jazz fest and he was dragging Naboo and Bollo along with him, Vince wasn't prepared to spend all weekend talking to someone who won't reply 'cause her micro-chips are ready" Vince decided to take action.

_Suzie's POV_

Why? Why of all times do the odd squad choose to go to a jazz thingy _this_ weekend? The chips excuse is wearing thin, maybe I'll just stay in my room and eat sweets until they get back because there is no way I'm staying in the same room as Vince – I'm too embarrassed. If I take a piss now I should be okay for the next two da- oomph! What the hell is he doing?! "Vince gerroff me."

_Normal POV_

As Suzie walked past Vince's bedroom to go to the bathroom, he had jumped out on top of her wearing only his boxers. He was now sitting on her stomach.

"Ah, now your speaking to me."

"Cause your sitting on me, what are you doing?"

"Only doing to you what you did to me, anyway, you seem to be enjoying this."

"What do you mean?"

"Now you've seen me in my undies there is no need for you to make any more micro-chips."

" Great…..I think, get off me now. Please."

_Vince's POV_

"Sure." As I let go of her wrists she gave me a shove so I fell backwards. Now she is the one on top of me. _'Ello Vincey,' tis me, your friend. _Quiet Little Vince, now's not the time. She is really close so we're touching noses, "And I didn't enjoy it." She then headed for the bathroom. Suzie is the weirdest girl I've ever met.

" So am I clear, don't go in my room, no taking money out of the till, and definitely NO parties." Naboo lisped. "Yes Naboo." Vince mumbled like an 8 year old. Howard, however, was hopping about like a he had an eel down his trousers. " C'mon we're going to be late." Bollo rolled his eyes, " Bye." The front door closed with a bang. Vince and Suzie stood in an awkward silence until Vince said perkily " Cup of tea?"

"Sure"

"So where d'you want to go tonight?"

"Hm? No I'd rather stay in tonight, you can still go out if you want."

" Nah, it 'ill be no fun without you, we'll get a pizza and a movie instead."

Suzie blushed immensely at this comment, " Great," she sat down " Vince be honest, do you think I'm odd ?"

" Why?"

" Cause of all of the weird stuff I've done since I've arrived."

Vince laughed, " That's not odd, it's interesting, the flat is more fun now."

Suzie got off the sofa and faced Vince, she then kissed him…………….

_Thanks for all of the positive comments ___


	6. Chapter 6

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……on the cheek.

"You're such a charmer Vince." Suzie commented, she then blushed and Vince did the same. " So what about that tea."

" Yes…tea…of course." Vince tried to busy himself with mugs and milk. Suzie laughed silently to herself, it being the first time she had ever seen Vince Noir lost for words.

_Suzie's POV_

He is so cute when he is embarrassed. Now he knows how it really feels to be all squirmy. The thing is, I'm rather enjoying this, and here's my tea." You can choose what to watch if you like." he offered. Hmmmmm so many choices, so little time…..ah, Loose Women- Beat Those Period Blues, perfect. Vince looks like he wants to die, " Is it OK if we watch this?" I ask sweetly, " Sure." He doesn't look fazed at all now, what the hell is he up to.

_Vince's POV_

I am soooo on to her. She's trying to make me embarrassed. She has now switched to a survey on tampons. Just brush it off Vince, brush it off. " Boobs" What is she doing? " What d'you say?"

Suzie looked at me with big innocent blue eyes, " I didn't say anything." She did just say boobs. "Boobs." Ignore it, " Boobs." A little louder now, " BOOBS." She's getting frustrated. " Fanny" And then. "Wank." Suzie's looking directly at me and she's getting really, really, annoyed. " Why are you trying to make things awkward?" I ask. " What do you mean "why"?" Seem to have hit a nerve there. "Ever since I've arrived you've nearly seen me naked, caught me in my underwear, jumped on me, and I know you looked up my skirt the day cleaned from under the counter."

_Normal POV_

" I can't help it if I just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, anyhow, maybe you should think about wearing less revealing clothes in the future."

" Say's the bloke in skinny jeans and dressed like a bird, when I first saw you I thought, " I wonder if that's a man or a wo-" She never got to finish as Vince pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss. He ran his fingers through her hair and she stroked his face not really understanding why he was doing this or why she was enjoying it, she just was and that was good enough for her.


	7. Chapter 7

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_Suzie's POV_

What the fuck am I doing!? Why is he kissing me? And more importantly, why am I kissing him back? This has to stop. Ohhh but he's so good at it, he's trying to undo my bra now. You're going to far matey. "Stop." He looks shocked, obviously no one has ever said no to a kiss from Vince Noir.

"What's wrong?"

"Were you kissing me because you like me, or were you just trying to shut me up?"

_Vince's POV_

Was I trying to shut her up? Or is it because she's really sexy and funny and clever, with nice boots? Oops, she's getting impatient, I'm thinking about it for too long.

"I'm not a slut Vince; I won't get into bed with just anyone."

"I don't think of you as a slut and I do like you, a lot." Why did I just mumble that? She obviously doesn't feel the same way.

"You can't like me, I've haven't been here 3 weeks, you barely know me."

How embarrassing, I just suctioned myself to her lips like a feral hoover, expecting her to kiss me back. I can feel myself going red. She looks like she wants to slap me.

"Say something Vince."

"I…. I'm……S-sorry."

"It's OK."

_Normal POV_

Vince breathed a sigh of relief as she continued, "I'm sorry as well, for being such a bitch."

"Cool, do you want me to ring for pizza?" said Vince back to his cheery old self.

"No."

"Why, you not hungry?"

"No, I have to pack."

"PACK! What you packing for?"

"I 'm going back to Scotland," Suzie explained as Vince followed her into her room, "I can't stay here; it'll be too tense and awkward." She began to throw all of her belongings into her bag.

Vince looked horrified, "But we're friends again."

"I know, but you want to be more than that, and I can't do that, cause I'm meant to have a boyfriend, and he's a bit possessive, he wanted to come and visit, and if he saw that I was living in a house full of men, especially with one I have fallen in love with, he'd rip your head off your shoulders and beat me into a pulp."

"Ooh." Was all that Vince could think of to say as Suzie threw her bag over her shoulder. "You can't go now, it's getting dark and Dalston is well rough at night. You could run into the lair of a mad axe murderer." She brushed off his desperate attempts to make her stay. "I'd rather face the axe murderer, than Kelbon when he's angry."

"Eewwww, KELBON, what sort of desperate calls their son KELBON?" Vince exclaimed, "Go to the police, there are laws against woman beating."

Suzie reached the front door, hugging him tightly she said, "Bye Vince."

_Vince's POV_

She's gone. Suzie's gone. Gone to a girlfriend beating freak called _Kelbon_. Probably lost his virginity to his 85 year old school librarian. I'll never love again. Well, there's always that nice girl that works in the chippy, get her some Clearasil and a good hair cut and she could scrub up well, she would probably smell a bit though, of chip fat. Yuck. Wait, did Suzie say she had fallen in love with me. She loves me.

SHE LOVES ME!!

_Cheers for all of the reviews. Chapter 8 will be up soon ___


	8. Chapter 8

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_Suzie's POV_

I feel awful, poor Vince, he looked so sweet when I left I wanted to smother him in chocolate and eat him up. Need to stop thinking about him or I'll start bawling, and that's the last thing we need at the moment. He is right though, I should go to the police about Kal, yeah, get home, ring police, Kal goes to prison and I go back to Vince. Great! Now all I have to do is find the train station.

"Well hello, little dumplin'?" Ugh, it's some dirty homeless geezer, just keep walking.

_Normal POV_

"Hey, I'm talking to you." Says the hobo, grabbing Suzie's wrist. "Givvus some company little dumplin', it gets awful lonely around here." Suzie started to panic, "Get off me, leave me alone you scary old man or I swear I'll scream." He just laughed in her face and started to pull her down an alley.

"Agh! Fuck off will you!"

"No, we need another player."

"Another…. What?!?"

He continued to pull her down the alley where she saw two other homeless men were sitting. One stood up and greeted Suzie and her smelly companion.

" Ah, Sausage Roll, I see that you have found someone."

Suzie became worried, "WHAT IS IT??????"

"Cool yer boots." said Sausage Roll, producing a Snakes and Ladders board," now what colour would you like to be, red, yellow, green or blue?"

_Vince's POV_

I have to find her, its too dangerous at this time of night to go wandering around, she doesn't know London that well. I'll walk towards the train station to see if she's hanging around there.

Don't like it 'round here at all, it's full of chavs, hobos and hookers, well Crimewatch. I'm going to have to turn back soon. Oomph! What did I just trip over? A bloody bag, these jeans better not be ruined. Hold on, I know that monkey key ring. This is Suzie's bag. I've nearly found her……… oh shit, only one reason why she would drop her bag, she's been attacked! Great, a conveniently placed cricket bat, I'll use it for protection, everyone out of my way, I've got balls like baked potatoes and a cricket bat.

_Normal POV_

Vince slung Suzie's bag onto his back and cautiously walked down a nearby alleyway. Near the end he could see some dirty old blokes gathered around Suzie.

"Fucking leave her alone!!!!" Vince yelled as he swung the bat around knocking everyone out including Suzie.

**Later **

"She's so lucky I decided to go looking for her." Vince mumbled to himself as he dropped Suzie onto the sofa. He went to fetch her duvet from her room as she was very cold. Vince wrapped her up snugly and then sat cross-legged in front of the sofa and waited.

_Suzie's POV_

I'm dead; I wonder if I've gone to heaven or hell? Never went to church so I must be in hell, it is quite warm but not warm enough to be hell. Maybe I'm in a womb, about to be born again, or maybe I would find out if I just opened my eyes, silly cow.

It's all blurry and colourful. Black and white sofa and a mini bar in the corner. I'm back in the flat! Who lives here? I remember! Howard, Naboo, the monkey and….

"Vince!"

"Suzie! S'all right, I'm here. Are you OK?"

" I'm fine, but I've got a cracking headache, what happened?"

"I found you in an alleyway 'cause……" Vince is talking and I'm not listening, it's either 'cause I don't really care or because his hair is all messy and he looks like a really young, sexy version of Keith Richards. I really fancy him, but not the same way I'd really fancy a bacon sarnie. Mmmmm bacon.

"…………..but I wacked them on the head before they could do anything and then I brought you back here."

"What do you mean "do anything"?" Then it all came flooding back.

" I thought that they were going to…"

"No! We were playing Snakes and Ladders you twat."

"Oh"

Awww, bless him he looked all triumphant. I feel a bit mean now.

"But thank you anyway for trying to save me."

"That's ok." He grins

"Vince, why am I wrapped up like a sore foot?"

" Well, you were all cold"

"I'm too warm," I say struggling free of the blankets," I know that this sound's a bit weird, but can I have a bacon sandwich?"

_I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry it took so long for me to update. But I'm back, Horray!_


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